A New Technique for Attaining Emotional Comfort through Creating an Inner Guide

By Judith M. Davis, M.D.

Why is it so hard to break an unwanted habit, or to establish one that we would like? Many people find that they can't lose weight or stop smoking; others find it impossible to begin exercising regularly or to become organized. Almost everyone can think of changes that they would like to make but seem unable to.

We also have habits that we don't realize are problems because they have become second nature. Although we don't recognize them in ourselves, we can easily see them in others. Perfectionism, passivity, rigidity, dependency, and selflessness are just a few. They begin as responses to distress but they cause discomfort themselves. All of these habits, those that we are aware of and those that are experienced as a given, contribute to a continuing level of tension that causes distress, drain energy, reduce effectiveness, and interfere with creativity.

We develop patterns of thought, feelings, and actions in response to stimuli. When we are hungry we eat. This is a true solution for hunger because it ends our discomfort. If no meal is available, we must cook or eat out. These are partial solutions because the prospect of having a meal soon partially relieves our distress. If these solutions are not immediately possible we might think about what we would like to eat or distract ourselves by thinking of other things. These are also partial solutions because they, too, diminish our discomfort.

Our minds work extremely rapidly out of awareness. They match each new stimulus with a response that becomes locked in. Each time the stimulus recurs, the same response is chosen. It has become a habit. A person who responds to certain stresses by procrastinating will keep doing so no matter how strongly she vows to change. Someone who deals with anxiety by double-checking everything finds himself powerless to stop.

A habit can be broken only if a pause between the stimulus and response occurs, allowing a new response to be inserted. A pause can be created by a complex stimulus: that is, a stimulus that conveys two contradictory meanings.

A child who was repeatedly criticized for boasting responded by developing excessive modesty: a partial solution. This eased his discomfort because he was no longer criticized but it was harmful because he couldn't enjoy his successes or be assertive. He didn't realize that his modesty was harmful; he assumed that it was a positive trait.

When he became a scientist, working in a competitive milieu, colleagues often stole his new ideas. He was unable to assert himself and claim the credit. He moved to another position where, because of his new environment, he encountered many complex stimuli. Each time he reached for the phone, he was startled, because it was in a new position, rather than in its usual spot. For a split second, he was starting to phone/not starting to phone. Other objects were in new positions, too, and each time he began to do something in the old way, he was similarly taken aback. Although trivial, each of these disruptions constituted a complex stimulus to which he had a double and contradictory reaction: for an instant, he could/he could not. Because these pauses were associated with his excess modesty, they provided opportunities for that habitual response to be unlocked.

Even when interrupted by a pause, a habit pattern will change only if a better solution is available. The true solution for this man's problem was the knowledge that taking credit for one's accomplishments is acceptable. He may have read, been told, or realized this, and may have been intellectually aware of it, but as long as the previous solution was locked in, this one could not be used. A pause following the stimulus, however, would allow the true solution to be locked in. Then, this solution would have to be repeated many times before it could come into awareness and be acted on.

Occasionally, we will experience a flood of complex stimuli sufficient to let a changed habit enter our awareness, but this doesn't happen often. Long-standing habit patterns remain entrenched and continue to hamper us.

Some habits, such as overeating and smoking, begin as partial solutions to stress or other discomforts, but inability to exercise or to be organized occurs when the distress from our unsolved problems is so great that we just don't have the energy to do those things. Any partial solution, whether we recognize it as a problem or take it as a given, will compromise our ability to see problems clearly and act effectively to solve them. It will hamper productivity, impair creativity, and contribute to feelings of tension, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and helplessness.

We no longer have to depend on chance to provide the conditions for changing a habit. An Inner Guide works systematically and efficiently to solve problems and end discomfort by finding true solutions for problems and bringing them into awareness. And with access to our subliminal perceptions, it also helps preserve our health and protect us from danger.

Judith M. Davis, M.D., author of Emotional Comfort: the Gift of Your Inner Guide, is a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who practices in Chicago. She has created The Davis Foundation for Providing Emotional Comfort to assist those who use the Davis Technique to change their lives. Contact via email at JD@JudithDavis.com