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If I could go back in time, I would raise my children to know that death is not an end. I would explain what I believe happens when one's body wears out or is damaged beyond repair. We would have talked about being met by Grandpa Joe or Aunt Gladys, and about white light and all of the exquisite colors we don't have here in the physical. We would have talked about the unconditional love and unending laughter in the next place and I would have shared experiences that validate death as simply another stage of life.

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When Grandma died, we would have all attended the services, not just the adults, because we would not have gone with the intention of saying goodbye. We would have gone to celebrate the life she had shared with us. When one of the boys would have inevitably remarked, “That don't look like Grandma...” I would have explained that the Grandma they loved was free of her body, happy, and closer to them than she had ever been before. I would have told them they could still talk to her, and I would have listened to them when they spoke of her visiting them in their dreams.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have stood at my son's side as he left his 18-year-old body behind, breathing in his fear and breathing out pure unconditional love. I would have told him to fly free and to never doubt my belief that even in death, love remains. And lastly, I would have realized from the moment I looked into my first child's eyes that our children are not given to us to “own,” but come so that each of us can know love. I would have known that they are never really “ours,” and that they may not stay as long as we hope. And understanding all of this, I would have done it all anyway, because the joy of the journey is so much more than the pain of an illusory loss.

I leave you with this thought: your children will give you more than you can ever hope to give back. Listen, come from love, and accept. They come bearing gifts, you need only hold out your hand.

Sandy Goodman is the author of Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love (Jodere Group).