New Age, Alternative,
Metaphysical Publication
Aquarius-Atlanta.com

That Don't Look Like Grandma

By Sandy Goodman

When I was asked to compose an article about kids and grief, my pompous ego spoke up instantly with “You can't.” Never one to argue with that soft, still  voice in my head, I readily agreed that I couldn't. After all, I usually only write from personal experience, and small children were never a part of my grieving. Jeremy was 22 when Jason died and Joshua was 18. I felt unqualified and incapable of telling others what they should say or do to help a bereaved child.

However, it is now three weeks later and I am feeling the need to write. I tapped out a few lines about grief triggers, a couple paragraphs about sudden versus anticipated loss, and a title for a piece about the first six months of bereavement. None of it felt right because my heart wants me to address that which I have avoided. Since that which we resist, persists, I see only one way out of this dilemma. I am going to talk with you about what I believe when it comes to talking with kids about death and dying. But allow me to preface this with my own admission that what I am going to say we should do is not what I did.

~Starr Pain Clinic~ and Environmental Medicine Center. Click on image to find out more!

Kids are more intuitive, more loving, and more compassionate than adults. But when a death occurs in a child's life, we haul out the blindfolds and earplugs. We allow them to watch violent murders on television (because it's NOT REAL), but we shelter them from deaths that occur in their lives. We fear they are not mature enough to understand, but I am here to tell you that maturity alone does not make death understandable.

I want to address this issue proactively, not reactively. Rather than looking at how to help a grieving child, I'd like to discuss how we can better help children understand death. What can we do to take away the fear and hopelessness that surrounds death? How can we give our children a different perception of death so that when they have their first experience of loss, they will have our shared wisdom to wrap themselves in?

If I had it to do again, I would have talked to my children about who we really are and explained over and over again that we are not our bodies. When they were very small, I would have questioned them about the place they came from, and listened more intently when they played with their “imaginary” friends. I would have told them bedtime stories about angels and guides, and taught them early to listen to the voice that whispered to their hearts. I would have discussed feeling rather than thinking, and assured them that love is constant, never ending, and much more powerful than fear.

Parenting article continued next page, click here!