“Spiritual
Dissonance,” and the Rise of
“Shakti”
by
Alison Murry
There
is a term psychologists use to describe
the mental conflict resulting from
a discrepancy between what an individual
experiences and what he/ she believes
to be true. This disparity between
external cues and internal beliefs
is referred to as cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is said to be
unacceptable to the logic of the mind
and must either be resolved by a shift
in external experience (of which the
recipient often perceives little control),
or an alteration of one's own
belief system. If the person experiencing
dissonance is a child, it is almost
always his or her belief system that
is altered, as she, in truth, has
little-to-no control over her external
surroundings or situation. Children
generally grow up and carry this pattern
with them into adulthood, managing
life backwards - clinging to worn
out belief systems and seeking a situation
to match them. You can imagine how
unhealthy this is!
For example, if a child is abused
by his parent, since he is not able
to alter that parent's behavior,
then he will alter his belief system
in order to give the situation some
context and meaning, or,
in other words, to protect his sanity.
Changes to a child's belief system
inevitably reflect on himself, since
the parent presents an image that
is bigger-than-life to the child,
and so is untouchable. Instinctually
devoted to her parents and unable
to fathom even their most basic human
frailties, a child would rather reject
herself than that person she loves
and needs the most. So, rather than
demonize the parent, which is terrifying
and destabilizing for a child, he
instead adopts the erroneous belief
that the parent's response is
a reflection of some “badness”
inside of himself. To make matters
worse, the child then surmises that
the “punishment” he receives
is in fact a reflection of his parent's
love! Why? Because the parent literally
embodies love as the greatest object
of the child's own affection.
A child actually reflects on his relationship
to his parents to define the concept
of “love” itself. Any abusive
or negative experiences associated
with that parent, then, will be assumed
to be part of loving someone. This
“crossing of wires” can
result in lifelong misperceptions
of love that incorporate domineering
and abusive behaviors as not only
OK, but as expressions of caring!
The adult child of such a situation
is later vulnerable to seeking partnerships
and relationships that incorporate
domination and abuse as part of the
love picture. (Read Alice Miller's
For Your Own Good or Drama of the
Gifted Child.)
Kundalini