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Beyond
Anonymity
By
Tammy Peacock MeGahee, LCSW
As I was preparing to go to press with my current book, Beyond
Anonymity: A Commitment to a Higher Consciousness, I asked
several people to read the manuscript and offer suggestions. I
was intrigued by the responses I received about the many ways
individuals have chosen to remain anonymous within our society.
While the book is written primarily to the recovering community
about shifting the current understanding of addiction to a higher
consciousness, it holds a strong message for anyone who feels
the need to hide some aspect of who they really are.
 To
remain anonymous in the company of friends, family members, coworkers
and our community means that in some way we choose not to allow
society to see who we really are, a choice usually made from fear.
Too often we choose to deny some aspect of ourselves simply to
insure that we fit in among society. For a country whose foundation
is built on diversity we often have little tolerance for those
who are in some way different from the stereotypical average citizen.
Are we trying to create a homogenous society? Millions of Americans
sacrifice their authenticity because the consequences of doing
so are too severe. Instead they would go to great lengths to avoid
the disclosure of some intrinsic but vital aspect of their being.
And it's not just the consequences but the stigma society
imposes on those who are, to varying degrees, outside the mainstream.
Amazingly we have internalized an irrational sense of shame about
ourselves.
My friend Pat shared how an experience brought her anonymity into
her awareness shortly after reading the manuscript. She was participating
in her weekly meditation group when two women joined the group.
The women sat through the evening, quietly and respectfully. When
asked to share following the meditation they stated that the group
was not what they expected. They shared clearly and effectively
how the group did not exactly reflect their strict Christian philosophy,
then asked the group leader about the spiritual basis for the
meditation group. While Pat's spiritual beliefs are firmly
built upon the Christ consciousness, she has a much broader philosophy
that includes a variety of philosophies. Pat shared that the experience
forced her to realize that she could not clearly and unequivocally
explain her beliefs like the visitors had. She realized
that she had become accustomed to remaining anonymous about her
spiritual beliefs, preferring not to engage in the passionate
discussion that often evolves with strictly religious individuals.
Pat shared her dismay at her reluctance to humbly share spiritual
practices that had allowed her to live a really incredible life.
While there is nothing wrong with being discrete with your spiritual
beliefs or allowing your practice to be personal, the choice should
not be made from a space of fear. Our society desperately needs
to learn to respect and honor all spiritual practices. At the
moment a variety of spiritual paths are mostly tolerated as long
as they are low key or hidden behind closed doors.
Another friend whom I will call Jessica came to realize the depth
of her anonymity when President Bush called for a Constitutional
Amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman. As
a lesbian she has remained anonymous with her family and her community.
The decision to come out of the closet is complicated for gays
living in the south, more so if you live in a small town. She
is not only concerned with how the judgment and the social repercussions
will affect her reputation and ability to be involved in her community,
but also how it will affect her parents. The thing with stigmas
is that it rarely stops with the person stigmatized. The stigma
and associated shame usually extend to the person's family
as well.
Jessica told me that she feels like a second-class citizen in
some respects. She is denied many of the rights provided
to the majority of Americans simply because of her sexual orientation.
It was not until the Massachusetts Supreme Court reminded us that
“Separate but equal is not equal” that she realized
how willingly she had forfeited her rights. She had accepted the
fact that her inability to conform to the norms of society, i.e.
being heterosexual, meant not only that she must hide that aspect
of herself but that she did not deserve the legal and spiritual
recognition of her relationship.
Hopefully as our society evolves we will one day look back on
this with intrigue. It wasn't that long ago that our society
believed that women should not have the right to vote or wear
swimsuits. These may seem like trivial comparisons but they demonstrate
how values and opinions shape society sometimes more than civil
rights or social justice. We must all make a commitment to insuring
that the civil rights of others are honored, that authenticity
is valued and that future generations understand that “different”
is not bad. Until the status quo shifts it is my responsibility
to move beyond anonymity with integrity, knowing that I am making
a valuable contribution to the evolution of our society.
Tammy
Peacock MeGahee, LCSW, is a counselor specializing in nontraditional therapy
techniques and an educator. She hosts The Human Potential Series of motivational
lectures featuring authors committed to society's evolution
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Authenticity
