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“Doing
My Best,”
as Daughter and Mother
Last night,
I went across the street for some shopping. Not your everyday normal
shopping, but I was looking for old jewelry. Not antiques but pieces
a little less stylish than the pop beads or Sara Coventry. (Who remembers
that?)
 Last
year I flew to Florida in my car to dismantle my mother's apartment.
The state said she must go into an assisted living facility. Everything
she owned was old and not worth selling even if I had the time, which
I didn't. So, (doing my best) for her, one more time, I settled
her apartment issue, and gave everything away to anyone that lived in
her building. I kept her pictures, and a few other things. I lied to
her about her belongings being in storage to spare her feelings. After
all, her things are sacred to her and it's all she had, so I wasn't
dismissing her; I was just doing what needed to be done.
I'm not going to speak of my relationship with my mother in detail.
I've done that before in past editorials, but in a nut shell, it
was bad, dysfunction hell! Some of you are like me and weren't blessed
with a caring, sane mother, but somehow you/we survived anyway. Last
year when I wrote about my personal mother drama, I received many letters
and emails thanking me for sharing my perspective.
I think one of the hardest challenges and disappointments you can have
in your life is not experiencing the love and support of a parent. The
reason why this happens is not important; it makes no difference –
your fault, their fault, who cares! You'll always wonder what you
would be like, or how different your life would be if you could have
had that foundation to build your life on. Because this is such a hard
lesson it never goes away completely. Your parents are your lifelines,
the blood that runs through your veins. This blood feeds your emotional
body as well as the physical body and you should never shut the door
to healing the emotional body.
The mental body must be taken care of as well. Mentally it helps to
understand who you are. For me showing kindness and compassion are how
I choose to live my life. That's why I'm still dancing with
my mother. I've done many years of Inner Child Therapy to recognize
the difference between being a good person and being triggered emotionally,
and responding/ reacting out of guilt instead of love.
So, I'm replacing some of the things she is missing (the best I
can). She'll never thank me or even acknowledge that it was hard
work to get rid of her stuff. It took time, money, and lots of effort
that she has no understanding of, on any level. Her mind is as sharp
as a tack and she knows everything that was in that apartment, so I'll
continue to (do my best) to give back to her the things she thinks she
needs (like costume jewelry).
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