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Balance Is Not Neutral

When it comes to power or status, the man who is out of balance has two choices in his stance toward women: he can be dominant or submissive. Likewise, the unbalanced woman has the same two choices. Since opposites are complementary on this dimension, a submissive woman will attract a dominant man, and a submissive man will attract a dominant woman. These complementary pairings are compatible up to a point, but have several fatal flaws that eventually will sabotage them.

A complete description is beyond the scope of this article; so for now let's just say that when the man is in the submissive position he views the woman as controlling, demanding, and dangerous. He tends to withdraw, thus triggering the dominant woman's anger and disappointment with the man who doesn't meet her. When the woman is in the submissive position, she too views the man as controlling, demanding, and dangerous. She tends to charm him with her sexual allure, which satisfies him temporarily, but creates a superficial connection.

She becomes increasingly shut down and unreachable and he becomes frustrated by her inability to truly receive him. The only way out of this war between the sexes is for both men and women to opt out of this one-up/one-down game by finding their own wholeness within and meeting as equals. When the search for external completion transforms into a union of our own inner masculine and feminine energies, we create a direct connection to Source.

This internal balance does not, as some people believe, lead to a bland, unisex neutrality. Instead it manifests as an overall increase in aliveness and passion for life as the energy which has been tied up in desperately seeking to please the Other is liberated for the free expression of Self.

Deborah Anapol, Ph.D. offers workshops on Tantra. For details email info@lovewithoutlimits.com or phone 415/507-1739.