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TO
BE A MOTHER
~Author
Unknown
We
are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually
mentions that she and her husband are thinking
of “starting a family.” “We're
taking a survey,” she says, half-joking.
“Do you think I should have a baby?”
 “It
will change your life,” I say, carefully
keeping my tone neutral. “I
know,” she says, “no more sleeping
in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...”
But
that is not what I meant at all. I look at my
daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.
I want her to know what she will never learn
in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that
the physical wounds of child bearing will heal,
but that becoming a mother will leave her with
an
emotional wound so raw that she will forever
be vulnerable.
I
consider warning her that she will never again
read a newspaper without asking “What if
that had been MY child?” That every plane
crash, every house fire will haunt her. That
when she sees pictures of starving children,
she will wonder if anything could be worse than
watching your child die.
I
look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish
suit and think that no matter how sophisticated
she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to
the primitive level of a bear protecting her
cub.
That
an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause
her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal
without a moment's hesitation.
I
feel I should warn her that no matter how many
years she has invested in her career, she will
be professionally derailed by motherhood.
She
might arrange for childcare, but one day she
will be going into an important business meeting
and she will think of her baby's sweet
smell.
She
will have to use every ounce of her discipline
to keep from running home, just to make sure
her baby is all right.
I
want my daughter to know that everyday decisions
will no longer be routine. That a five year
old boy's desire to go to the men's
room rather than the women's at McDonald's
will become a major dilemma. That right there,
in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender
identity will be weighed against the
prospect
that a child molester may be lurking in that
restroom.
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