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Plugging
Into Source
By
Benita A. Esposito, M.A.
Like a snake that sheds its skin several times a year, I frequently
go through a metamorphosis. I found a snakeskin waving in the
currents of the stream behind my house last fall. I saw a Great
Blue Heron flying with huge outstretched wings down the middle
of the stream. An owl hooted to me as I was falling asleep. Nature
provides so many messages and support. So does my body.
For the last few months a new phenomenon has been occurring. Just
as I awaken from sleep or meditation, I feel a sensation like
an electrical current lighting up in my torso. When this first
started, the feeling ranged from just below my navel up to my
breast line. It has increased gradually over time. The last big
increase occurred after I received a powerful healing massage
a week ago.
This morning when this phenomenon happened, I thought: When I
sleep or meditate, I – the essential nature that I am –
plug into Source, just like inserting a cord into an electrical
outlet. 'Source' is my power supply and I need to connect
with it regularly or else my batteries drain. I have the deepest
connection in altered states of consciousness such as sleep and
meditation. When I come back into my body, I bring the electrical
charge with me. I recharge the physical body this way. I have
been tired lately, so this is important information for me to
act on. I used to think that sleep was a waste of time. All too
often I have thought that other things were more important than making
time to meditate every day.
I understand at a deeper level that my true nature is this electrical
being. I've heard the phrase, “You are a spirit
being having a human experience,” and I really feel it now.
I experience oneness, love and peace in the unseen realm. I often
experience stress and fatigue in the physical dimension. My continuing
intention is to synthesize them, experiencing both as spiritual.
I ask, “Why am I so tired? What is occurring that might be
contributing to the fatigue?” The answer comes: I have spent
so much of my life looking outside myself for peace, pleasure
and fulfillment. When I was young, I looked to my mother and father
for this source of peace and love. As an adult, I have looked
to a man for the feeling of Wholeness. I have looked to women
to be my best friends and I hoped that they would supply me with
this feeling. I have been left with an empty feeling when they
did not meet my needs. Sometimes, I have been devastated by the
intensity of grief.
In a way, I feel old from all the failed attempts to create wholeness
through external sources. I have spent so much time trying to
make 'it' happen just right. My body feels tired, and
my spirits are dampened. Even with this, I am grateful to have
had all these experiences of trying and failing, so that I could
give up what does not work, and look in a new direction.
I take a deep breath now, and I accept the process of dis-illusionment
once again at yet a deeper level. This has happened many times
before, and it is happening again. I let go of trying to feel
whole from the outside. I am deeply grateful for the understanding
that is seeping into my conscious mind and into my body through
these electrical charges. My wholeness lies within the unseen
Source. The Source fills the sky, the Earth, the trees and my
body.
Lately I have been meditating on the Earth. I am amazed at how
my plants grow just by sticking them in the soil. I watch the
unwanted weeds grow in my garden. For so long I took this all
for granted. Now I marvel on how much life-giving energy there
must be in the Earth. Of course, the sun, the moon and the rain
do their part, too. All this energy is Source, pulsing through
the physical world.
Although I have been on the path for many years, and I know that
I am very wise, I feel like I am just beginning to fathom how
life works here on this planet. My understanding is so much deeper
than words can express. There's a big difference between being
spiritual and being spiritually adept. I am in training still,
and I am reaping the rewards. There are still struggles and that's
OK. It's part of the process.
I am so grateful to get to be here, to be part of this whole interweaving
of electrical beauty displayed in so many forms. I marvel at the
colorful beauty of butterfly wings, the luminescent glow of lightning
bugs. There are times that I am not happy with my life. There
is always something more that I want to accomplish. But in between
these thoughts, I experience more and more peace, even when I
am tired and sore.
I take another deep breath and let it out, and I am grateful for
just being alive. I am at peace.
©Copyright
2003. Benita A. Esposito, M.A. All rights reserved. Contact Benita at
benita@awakeninghumanity.com.
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