QUEST


What Do Women Really Want?
By Niki Collins - Queen


Take me home!

More articles!
     What do women really want? According to the tale titled, "the Weddygne of Sir Gawen and Dame Ragnell," there is an answer. The story, based on a fifteenth century poem from the Arthurian Canon, opens with King Arthur and the handsome Sir Gawen out riding in a forest. Sir Gawen is King Arthur's favorite nephew, for he is a true and perfect knight, clean of thought, word and deed. While following a stag they come upon a giant knight, Sir Gromer Somer Joure, who is angry with King Arthur for taking his land.

       "All right! You're going to have to fight me," Sir Gromer growls. "I'm going to kill you. . .even if there is only one of me and two of you."

       "Now, wait a minute," says King Arthur. "Are you not a knight?"

       "Of course I'm a knight!" the giant scowls.

     "Well, no true knight would fight unarmed men."

       "All right," says Sir Gromer. "I'll offer you a challenge. You have a year from today to find the answer to a question."

      "We like a challenge," says King Arthur. "What's the question?"

       "The question is... " the huge knight sneers, drawing out the response. "What do women really want?"

       "Oh, no!" they cried.

       "And a year from today, if you don't have the right answer, then you have to fight me."

      For eleven months, Sir Gawen and King Arthur polled everyone they met with the question, especially women. The answers were many: a fur coat, a nice fellow, 'someone to bring me hot soup,' or a person to do the dishes.

       They compared findings the day before they were due to meet with the giant, but they knew they did not have the right answer. Finally Sir Gawen said that he would visit a wise but strange woman, whom he'd been told sits by a well in the forest of Inglewood. In the woods, he came upon a woman with a humped back huddled by a well.

       "Excuse me, madam. What do women really want?"

       She gazed at him through rat - like eyes. "Aren't you a pretty fellow," she cackled. "I know the answer, but you will have to marry me to find out," she said, slowly rubbing the worts on her large, hooked nose.

      Gawen paled, but being a true and perfect knight, he agreed.

       "What women want is their own power of choice - sovereignty," she twittered, shaking her steely wire hair.

       "Ohh, you've been talking to my sister!" the giant yelled when King Arthur and Sir Gawen gave him the right answer. Turning, he marched off into the forest.

       The wedding between Dame Ragnell and Sir Gawen proceeded as scheduled.

       Sir Gawen lay in bed with his eyes shut the first night after their wedding. "Well, aren't you going to do something?" Dame Ragnell whispered.

       "Like what, Madam?"

       "You could give me a kiss."

       Gawen closed his eyes and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then he summed up his courage and touched her. Her hair was like silk, and instead of finding warts, he caresses a soft, velvet skin. Gawen pulled back and opened his eyes to see the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

       "Where is Dame Ragnell?" he stuttered.

       "My sweet husband," she replied. "I am Dame Ragnell. My wicked stepmother turned me into a hideous hag until the best knight in England married and kissed me. But the spell is only half broken. I can be beautiful for you at night and ugly for all others during the day or I can be beautiful for all others during the day and ugly for you at night. Which would you have?"

       Sir Gawen thought long and hard but finally said to her, "You choose!"

       Dame Ragnell threw her arms around his neck and said, "You have broken the spell by giving me sovereignty, so now I can be beautiful all the time."

       It turns out what women want is the same thing men want: the freedom to be their own person. Like King Arthur and Sir Gawen, we all go into the world to hunt the truth about ourselves. But a giant, a family member, a boss, our society stops us and we come face to face with our own weaknesses and unacknowledged parts, known as our shadow self. Our shortcomings, or ugly Dame Ragnell, often makes itself known through our worst failings. But Dame Ragnell symbolically sits at the well of wisdom. Unfinished business is only negative when we ignore its trapped energy. When we recognize and reconcile our faults, we transform them into strengths: hypersensitivity becomes empathy; rage becomes power; and depth of feeling becomes passion.

       Breaking our self - inflicted spell, or the spell we allow others to cast upon us, shatters the shadow self and sets the beautiful Dame Ragnell free.

       This wonderful fifteenth century story reminds us that humankind's struggle to be clean of thought, word and deed hasn't changed.

Niki Collins - Queen is a Licensed Professional Counselor
who has worked as a children's therapist for twenty years.
She is the author of Earth, The Forgotten Temple, published by Impala Press.