Swami Calls for End to 'Ethic Cleansing'

Swami Beyondananda, spiritual leader to millions of FUNdamentalists (accent on 'fun') worldwide, has called on our government to end what he calls 'a systematic policy of ethic cleansing.'

“Congress must act,” declared the Swami, “And without DeLay, I might add.”

Speaking at a Right-to-Laugh Party Fun-Raiser in his overwhelmingly pro-laugh district in Northern California, Swami warned that the cleansing of ethical people from positions of power has caused a “dangerous tilt in the scale of justice that is seriously impacting the planetary laugh force.”

Decline in Laugh-Expectancy Due to Gold Collar Criminals, Swami Charges

Besides damage to the Bozone Layer, the Swami cited ethic cleansing and a “political system mired in greedlock” for an overall decline in laugh-expectancy. “In spite of the fact that there's definitely something funny going on, people are just not laughing,” the Swami says. “They are saying, 'Of course I'm for family values, but not Soprano Family values.'”

While he would name no names, the Swami said the ethic cleansing policy was being perpetrated by “gold collar criminals looking to collar the gold without getting collared themselves.” Swami accused gold collar criminals of “using their energy - what the Chinese calls 'ch'i' (chee) to gain unfair advantage. Ch'i ting, it is called.”

As a result of ethic cleansing, Swami charged, “America is losing her moral compass. The lines are being obscured between the highway to success and the low way.”

An Uprising in Levity to Face a Buy-Partisan Issue

The Swami called on all Americans, no matter what their political affiliation, to join together “in an uprising of levity to shine the light of laughter on the human foolishness that makes ethic cleansing possible.”

“This is a buy-partisan issue,” the Swami told the crowd. “Parties in both parties are being bought, and our public servants are serving up huge chunks of the commonwealth to help their cronies become uncommonly wealthy.”

“We need to stop the left-right tug-of-war that is pulling us apart, and start pulling together. Left wing and right wing, the eagle needs two strong wings to fly forward. We need to stop being stuck taking sides and see things from a new angle - we all want the same thing: Government of the people, by the people, and for the people - where the government does our bidding, not the bidding of the highest bidder.”

The Tragedy of Ethic Cleansing: Who is in Danger?

• Those in government unwilling to spin the spin.
• Whistle-blowers and truth-tellers.
• Journalists who refuse to embed down with those they are investigating.
• Scientists whose results are at odds with the official party line.
• Policy-makers to the left of John Ashcroft.
• Anyone who accuses the liars of lying.

Says the Swami -

The media's given the issue of ethic cleansing blanket coverage. They've covered it up with a blanket and have just about smothered it to death. It used to be there was something called the press, but now the press has been pressed into service as lie-ability insurance for gold collar criminals. Talk about weapons of mass distraction. Boy! Did you know this country produces more B.S. per square person than anyplace else on the planet? That's right. When it comes to number two, we're number one! And all that B.S. has clogged our skeptic system. No wonder we have the disturbing problem of Not-Seeism, when the media makes it so easy for people to pretend to not see what is going on right in front of their noses.

You know that image we have of Mahatma Gandhi sitting at the spinning wheel? Well, things are turned around now. Nonviolent warriors these days have to spend their time unspinning instead. Because I tell you most of what passes for news nowadays is just spun spin. So we need to unspin the spin, unravel the yarn until all we have left is naked truth.

Now, I know. The idea of seeing your government naked is absolutely repulsive. But look, we are adults, are we not? If you're feeling squeamish, before you run away squeaming, consider this: Would our Founding Fathers have been afraid to take a peek behind the Irony Curtain? Of course not. So neither should we. We need to call for transparency instead of the apparent trance we have now. And if we can't get our message on television, then tell-a-person will have to do.

I have a dream. Now I know it's a stretch, but please stretch with me if you will. Imagine - you are going to the voting booth, and you are about to cast a vote - a vote that counts and a vote that will be counted, I might add - for the greater of two goods.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Bhaerman.

Swami is the author of Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction. Call toll free at (800) SWAMI-BE for a free catalogue.