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The
Pen Speaks – “Angela's Journey”
By
Treyce Benavidez
“Why didn't I see it coming?” “Why couldn't I
stop her?” “What did I do wrong?” I am asked these questions
continually by family members who are left wondering why their loved
one committed suicide. They feel pain, guilt, loneliness, denial and
other very strong emotions. The reasons why one commits suicide are
vast however there are several warning signs in the handwriting to show
if someone is contemplating suicide and to what degree.
One major flag is the dropped baseline at the very end of the line of
writing. We all write with an imaginary baseline. A baseline is the
line on which we place all letters. It is like lined notebook paper,
only these types of lines help us write straight. With or without those
lines, we create our own baseline which comes directly from our subconscious.
Though depression and suicide are typically “related,” they
show in writing differently. Depression is shown by the downslope of
most of the line of writing but suicidal baselines show when just the
very end drops:
| This
is depression: |
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| This
is suicide: |
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Therefore if you have a letter written by someone that contains ten
lines of writing (not sentences) from left to right across the page
and you see eight of these lines drop at the very end, then you'll
know that the person has contemplated suicide many times or is thinking
about it too much. However, if you have only three lines that have a
suicidal drop, then at one time s/he thought about it but it's not
important in his/her life at the time they wrote the sample. Let's
look at a few other signs.
Recently a mother asked me these very questions and was feeling somehow
responsible for her daughter Angela's death. She stated she had
contacted the police who were very uncompassionate and they told her,
“Roberta, your daughter is dead. Let her rest.” Roberta knew
this but what she needed was closure. Her daughter hung herself in 2003,
leaving behind her children, ages seven and eight. Roberta didn't
know what to say when the children asked “Why did mommy leave us?”
Roberta needed answers and I was able to provide them.
When Roberta showed me the suicide note I immediately noticed the severe
suicidal thoughts. Roberta stated, “I do not think my daughter
wrote this.”
I explained to her that without previous writing samples of Angela's
to compare them to, I couldn't tell her if she did or not. She then
provided me with samples from 2001 and 2002. I could see the suicidal
thoughts weighing more and more heavily on her mind. She had been planning
to commit suicide for two years!
Roberta stated, “I thought we were close. She could talk to me.
Why didn't I know?” I explained to her that Angela was a vertical
writer. Vertical writers know when to show their emotions but they also
know when not to. Vertical writers can keep secrets when they need to
but have no problem communicating when they feel the need. Truth is,
only a handwriting analyst could have seen this coming because Angela
was a vertical writer – even a traditional psychologist most
likely would not have noticed it because she did not want anyone to
know – both subconsciously and consciously. I then asked Roberta’s
permission to share Angela's journey with others in hopes it will
shed some light on other families that have been left behind with the
same feelings and same questions. This is Angela's journey:
Angela was a vertical writer as explained above but, more than that,
in 2001 she was a cursive writer. Cursive writing shows “connections”
to other people. People that only print don't have as close of relationships
with others. Forming or keeping relationships is not their priority.
For example, have you ever known someone who was engaged for months
or years but they never seemed to actually get married? Chances are
one of the people in the relationship was a “printer”. Printing
is usually the subconscious fear of getting hurt emotionally so they
“detach” or remain unattached to others. This does not necessarily
include certain professions that essentially require printing such as
military, law enforcement, accounting and architecture.
Because Angela was writing in cursive in 2001 despite her suicidal thoughts,
she was still too connected to her children and that is what prevented
her from committing suicide that year. Her desire to end her life, and
her love and connection to her children, caused much psychological confusion.
This confusion is shown when the loops of a line of writing tangle with
the line of writing below. Overall, Angela's mentality in 2001 held
minor thoughts of suicide, much love for her children and psychological
confusion.
Then in 2002 we see a different, less confused version of Angela. She
is now printing for 99.8% of the sample. This shows that she is no longer
attached to her children. This means that, during the past year (from
2001 – 2002) she has worked subconsciously at detaching from her
children but hasn't completely. Angela is getting closer to her
suicidal act. She also is not writing with tangled lines which means
that she is no longer confused. Angela's mentality in 2002 indicates
she is set on committing suicide, has rationalized her detachment from
her children and is no longer confused. She didn't commit suicide
in 2002 because she still has a couple of spots where she is connected
to her children.
However in 2003 that connection to her children was not enough to stop
her. She completely detached herself subconsciously and induced an enormous
amount of drugs (something she was not known to have ever done before).
She wanted to be sure that if the hanging didn't take her out of
this miserable world, the drugs would. She had a plan and a back-up
plan. Angela's mind was made up and “the end” was her
goal. If the love of her children could not stop her, nothing else would
have been able to, either.
Now let's look at the samples side by side. Some words have been
removed to guarantee privacy and I have indicated the suicidal baselines.
However, you can see how the differences from year to year tell us about
Angela's journey:
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Treyce
Benavidez is a professional handwriting analyst working with law enforcement
agencies and the author of Teenage Terror – the Personality
Behind the Pen. Contact her at 512.481.2777 or profilady@yahoo.com.
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Millennium
Healthcare
Atlanta
National Hypnotherapy Institute
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Handwriting