Discovering Your Golden Shadow

By Sonia Abel

I have a family coming for a therapy session after only seeing individual adults for some time. I love children, but there’s a part of me that fears looking silly to the parent while playing paddy-cake. I’m supposed to be a “professional adult,” aren’t I? Public silliness is part of my golden shadow. Golden shadows are aspects of our personality that we keep hidden even though they may be positive. Often we don’t even know they exist beyond a faint flicker, a quiet longing deep in our belly. Quick! Name something you would do if you would be good at it no matter what and no one would laugh, ever! Chances are whatever you named is part of your golden shadow. What do you secretly admire in others? At first I was simply annoyed by the perkiness of a classmate; then I realized deep down that I wished I could be as chatty and playful as she was.

Before we mine the gold, it’s important to first uncover the darker aspects of our shadow. We are so afraid of our shadow selves that we project them onto other people. Much of the time, shadows are variations on our competiveness; I know, I know, you’re not competitive are you? Self-awareness is key, and the first step towards personal growth is to admit that none of us is perfect. We all have an individual and a collective shadow. (Wars are collective shadows.) Be honest with yourself about how your shadow impacts you and others, and take steps to act in a more life-affirming way.

The shadow and golden shadow are two sides of the same coin: the yin and yang of our hidden selves. Shadows make up our unlived lives. Thomas Moore put it this way, “The person we choose to be automatically creates the person we choose not to be.” Jung believed that the shadow makes up the best and worst in all of us. In order for us to become integrated into society (and our families) aspects of our instinctual “shadow” self must be repressed, and replaced by a persona. A persona is our socially approved mask. In my story the well-behaved “good girl” persona was put into place to mask my loud silly self. Other examples could be emotionally sensitive men who had to “suck it up” and be tough, or women who were made to believe that sexuality was immoral or scary and have an inner sex-kitten waiting for just the right music (so to speak) to dance into life.

We are spiritual creatures. We have the capacity for greatness; and yet, how often do we undermine ourselves and project our strengths onto other people? We believe “they” are more together, confident, handsome, (plug in your hang-up here.) As Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” When I first read this quote I thought, “Sounds good Marianne, but I do think my biggest fear is that I’m inadequate.” I now realize that with success comes responsibility and attention, which is scary for me. Staying small felt safe. What a revelation! Jesus claimed that we can perform miracles; we can feel the light of God working through us. How many of us actually live by that? How do you keep your light hidden? What payoffs are you getting? Maybe it’s safety and comfort. But after our basic needs are met, “comfortable” is so boring!

So how do we mine our gold? Once we identify our dark shadows, our golden shadows begin to shine more brightly. But after being underground for so long our treasures are like delicate buds that will wilt if we force them out. Be patient with your new-found light, test her in safe environments. Is there an actor inside of you? Why not take a transformative improv workshop first, rather than trying out for the Shakespeare Company if rejection would send your actor back underground for good? Realize though that bringing this golden bud to light will be scary at first, but as Susan Jeffers said, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!” Surround yourself with encouraging people. If Mom snickers at your banjo playing, don’t tell her. It’s not her dream! What shining jewel is waiting to be uncovered, polished and revealed to the world, naysayers be damned?

The play-therapy session has come and gone and if the mother thought I was crazy for letting her son put lotion on cotton balls and sticking them on my face to show him (me?) that intimacy and silliness are OK, she didn’t show it. As a matter of fact we all shared a good laugh. Was I afraid? Yes. Will it be easier next time? An emphatic Yes! Go ahead; let the belly dancing banjo player bathe in her golden light! What have you got to lose? You’ve got your beautiful “Golden Self” to lose if you don’t!

Sonia Abel is a Transpersonal Psychotherapist whose specialty is integrating Western psychology and Eastern spirituality. To make an appointment, contact Heartwork Counseling Center at 404-658-1222 x-6, or email: sonia@htwcc.org