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Dear
Swami:
I thought I read something in the Natural Enquirer that you've had
some kind of religious conversion experience, and become a fundamentalist
preacher. Is this just an idle rumor, or is it true?
Kirby R. Dahg,
Fondue Lake, Wisconsin
Dear Kirby:
Well, I guess if the rumor is circulating, it can't be idle, can
it? Actually, like most of that stuff the tabloids print, it is only
partly true and they have put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble.
Yes, I did have a religious experience. I was struck by lightning during
a brainstorm, and during this electrifying moment I got a glimpse of
the true meaning of life. I had a vision of God watching a huge big
screen TV – and we were the Comedy Channel.
I realized that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled,
a laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are in the material
world is to get more material. In other words, even if you are living
a routine existence, you can at least turn it into a great routine.
So profound was this vision that I decided to dedicate my life to preaching
FUNdamentalism – accent on “fun.”
And as a FUNdamentalist, I know that if we can raise the vibration on
the planet through the resonance of laughter, we can bring about Nonjudgment
Day – that is when everyone wins beauty contests. On Nonjudgment
Day all the lawyers will disappear, and truly all our trials will be
over. And on Nonjudgment Day, everyone will lay down their arms. This
will be called Disarmaggedon, and it will be the end of the human race
as we know it. We will realize that life isn't a race, so we can
stop running. As my own guru, Harry Cohen Baba used to say, “Life
is a sitcom. So sit calm and enjoy it.”
So until that day of Nonjudgment arrives, we must do all we can to heal
the jestive blockages and dysfunsion we see around us: Laugh uproariously,
wholeheartedly and loudly – ejoculation is a natural bodily function,
so we should feel no shame about it. Live life to the foolist. Revel
without a cause. Remember, you can transform anger with random acts
of comedy. Don't get even – get odd!
May the FARCE be with you.
Copyright
©2003 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Contact Swami toll
free at 800.SWAMI-BE, email swami@saber.net,
or snail mail him at 400 W. Third Street, D-144, Santa Rosa, CA 95401.
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Swami