New Age, Alternative,
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Radical
Forgiveness |
Why
We Can't Forgive
By Colin Tipping, award winning author of RADICAL Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle Not
so long ago, if one even mentioned the word
forgiveness in victimized company you would
see eyes glaze over. Forgiveness was not
cool. On the other hand, laying blame and
getting even was very cool. This is not
surprising since forgiveness has been universally
unpopular for eons. It has been seen to
be beyond the reach of ordinary folk.
But
recently there has been a shift. People
are beginning to realize that there is a
very high price to be paid for unforgiveness.
Research clearly shows that holding onto
resentments and old hurts leads to cancer
and all sorts of physical illness not to
mention depression, addictions and dysfunctional
behavior.
This
increasing awareness of the need for forgiveness
has not made it any easier to achieve. It
seems just as difficult as ever. Even those
who do the work find that even though they
think they have forgiven, as soon as something
triggers them, they discover that deep down
the pain and hurt is still there. Nothing
has really healed. Denial has simply covered
it over.
The
reason it is so difficult and takes so long
to achieve is that there is an inherent
conflict in the notion of traditional forgiveness.
In trying to forgive the willful perpetrator
of what we see as a crime against us, the
desire to forgive is in direct opposition
to our need to condemn. Add to this the
fact that the desire to forgive is an abstraction
while the crime is (on the face of it anyway),
an indisputable fact, and you will understand
why forgiveness seldom prevails.
There
is also the question of degree. The more
you were hurt or damaged, the more the scales
will naturally tip towards the need to condemn.
Years of therapy will help of course, but
so long as there is any residual regret
or pain - true forgiveness will remain elusive
no matter how much compassion we bring to
the situation and no matter how much we
try to “just let it go.”
Radical
Forgiveness article continued next page,
click here!
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