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Romance

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List #2: The Ten “Very Importants”

The ten “very importants” are exactly that – they are very important to you but they're not necessarily deal breakers. It may be important that he has a college degree, but if he is highly articulate, well-read, and educated, it may not matter that he doesn't have his BA yet. You don't want to give in too easily on your “very importants.” They are, after all, attributes that will make you happy.

Even if at first you're only a little attracted to a man who fits your lists, it would be worth your while to go out with him. You may well become more attracted to him in time, because he fits into your heartfelt lists of what you are looking for. Giving him a chance is a more self-loving thing to do than going out with the very appealing man who only has four “musts” and two “very importants.” Alexis married Will because he was everything she wanted in a man – even  though he didn't look like the suave types she was accustomed to being attracted to. They've been married for eight years and she still marvels, “He gets sexier and sexier every day.”

List #3: The Six “Must Nots”

The six “must nots” highlight what we call your pitfalls. Your pitfalls are your Achilles heel – the patterns you have that you've been hurt by. And even though you are now becoming aware of your patterns, it's human nature to be drawn to them.

When you go out with someone, you will want to be very much in the moment to help yourself be aware of your pitfalls. If you're not awake in the moment it is very easy to fall into an old pattern without realising it. “He's not like all the others,” you might think, without realising that he is angry with women just like the others were. If you are awake, you will be present enough to realise that he is talking badly about his mother or his ex-wife. And later, when you sit down and compare him to your list, it will help you see you are approaching a pitfall.