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It's a miracle that man-woman relationships work as well as they do! I find that the best strategy for dealing with these problems is to turn your gaze inward, at least temporarily, and get your attention off of trying to fix the other person. If you haven't found a harmonious relationship between your own inner masculine and feminine sides and healed your own sexual/spiritual wounds, you're going to find that your outer relationships are a reflection of your own internal dysfunction. That's just the way it works, but it doesn't mean you have to go it alone. A community of supportive friends provides a vitally important context for both singles and couples to heal themselves. In fact, I think that's the biggest problem couples face today.
 
Carl: They are often isolated - emotionally if not physically - from both peers and elders who could help them through the hard spots. I think of the old saying “Make love, not war.” How is your work relevant to what our country is going through in the aftermath of 9-11?
 
Deborah: Yes, that was one of my favorites and it still is! People poke fun at the 60's counterculture, but this slogan points to a deep truth. Sexual and aggressive energies come from the same source and one inhibits the other. Wehave a choice of what to do with our life force - we can embrace pleasure or pain. Research has clearly shown that societies that are sex positive and which honor women's freedom are peaceful societies. Societies that are violent are societies that are sexually repressive and which suppress women.
 
The Taliban regime was a classic example of the latter. Our own country is poised to make a shift from being a warlike world power to fulfilling the dream of our Founding Fathers to be a culture that embodies peace, love and harmony. I feel the events of 9-11 woke a lot of people up to what's really important to them. For most of us it's love more than anything else.
 
Deborah Anapol, Ph.D. leads “The Sacred Union of Opposites” workshop March 22-24. For info email info@lovewithoutlimits.com or phone 415/507-1739. Carl McColman is the author of The Aspiring Mystic and Embracing Jesus and the Goddess.

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